Erik Garcia has been having some weird online experiences with his new guitar lesson business. He has decided that his name is somehow striking terror and repulsion in the hearts of all who receive an email from him. I thought he was overreacting until something similar occurred to me, but with my FACE! This occurred twice in 24 hours....
Yesterday afternoon I got off my plane in Atlanta, and took the MARTA to Sandy Springs, where Valerie was supposed to meet me. After 10 minutes waiting, I realized that there might be another station exit across the street, where Valerie might be waiting. I have no cell phone in the States, and the station had no payphone in the area. I asked a woman who was coming up the escalator from the train station if there was another potential pick-up area. She didn't know. Nobody knew nothing.
After a few minutes of concerted pacing, I saw a van pull up to the curb, obviously waiting to pick up a family member or friend. I walked over to the passenger side, and waved at the woman in the driver's seat in that hey-i-need-a-tiny-bit-of-help way. Without even looking over at me, she shook her head fearfully and then refused to acknowledge my existence at all. Although the windows were closed, I yelled:
"Hey! I need a tiny bit of help!"
and
"I'm lost!!"
and
"I'm not a murderer, I'm an American!!!"
No response. I trudged back towards my luggage, cussing colorfully. Where the hell was human decency? Where the hell was Southern Hospitality? It's bullshit that New Yorkers are rude and Southerners are gracious and genteel. Any New Yorker would stop to give directions, frowning or not.
Anyway, today I was driving in Sandy Springs, got lost, and couldn't find the highway. At a traffic light, I pulled up next to a white SUV, and leaned out the window for a bit of help. Again, I made the innocuous signal wave. This time, the woman driving turned, took one look at me, then JUMPED UP AND COVERED HER FACE IN TERROR AS IF SHE HAD SEEN A CORPSE DROOLING BLOOD LEERING AT HER WITH MAGGOT-RIDDEN LIPS.
She continued to look at me, with an expression of "now what do you want from me???" But refused to open the window, or help in any way. She took off as quickly as possible when the light changed.
Conclusion: women in Sandy Springs are afraid of me. Afraid of my very face. And girls in Brooklyn just don't give a damn.
[note: I didn't actually shout, "I'm not a murderer, I'm an American!!!" that's actually a quote from one of my 1998 Israel stories, soon available in the new Harper Collins anthology, WanderingStu: The First 30 Years.]
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Famous! The classic tale "Good Muffin" is featured on lisawhiteman.com. And did I mention that Lisa Whiteman is wicked cute? So is her Jewish consort, Todd Levin.
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A fun fact from Jason Rogers (check out his site!):
Yesterday afternoon I got off my plane in Atlanta, and took the MARTA to Sandy Springs, where Valerie was supposed to meet me. After 10 minutes waiting, I realized that there might be another station exit across the street, where Valerie might be waiting. I have no cell phone in the States, and the station had no payphone in the area. I asked a woman who was coming up the escalator from the train station if there was another potential pick-up area. She didn't know. Nobody knew nothing.
After a few minutes of concerted pacing, I saw a van pull up to the curb, obviously waiting to pick up a family member or friend. I walked over to the passenger side, and waved at the woman in the driver's seat in that hey-i-need-a-tiny-bit-of-help way. Without even looking over at me, she shook her head fearfully and then refused to acknowledge my existence at all. Although the windows were closed, I yelled:
"Hey! I need a tiny bit of help!"
and
"I'm lost!!"
and
"I'm not a murderer, I'm an American!!!"
No response. I trudged back towards my luggage, cussing colorfully. Where the hell was human decency? Where the hell was Southern Hospitality? It's bullshit that New Yorkers are rude and Southerners are gracious and genteel. Any New Yorker would stop to give directions, frowning or not.
Anyway, today I was driving in Sandy Springs, got lost, and couldn't find the highway. At a traffic light, I pulled up next to a white SUV, and leaned out the window for a bit of help. Again, I made the innocuous signal wave. This time, the woman driving turned, took one look at me, then JUMPED UP AND COVERED HER FACE IN TERROR AS IF SHE HAD SEEN A CORPSE DROOLING BLOOD LEERING AT HER WITH MAGGOT-RIDDEN LIPS.
She continued to look at me, with an expression of "now what do you want from me???" But refused to open the window, or help in any way. She took off as quickly as possible when the light changed.
Conclusion: women in Sandy Springs are afraid of me. Afraid of my very face. And girls in Brooklyn just don't give a damn.
[note: I didn't actually shout, "I'm not a murderer, I'm an American!!!" that's actually a quote from one of my 1998 Israel stories, soon available in the new Harper Collins anthology, WanderingStu: The First 30 Years.]
______
Famous! The classic tale "Good Muffin" is featured on lisawhiteman.com. And did I mention that Lisa Whiteman is wicked cute? So is her Jewish consort, Todd Levin.
_________________________________
A fun fact from Jason Rogers (check out his site!):
On Wednesday, April 5th, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 this morning and in the afternoon, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
That won't ever happen again.
Also check out this, which has nothing to do with our Jason. Be sure to click the photo and bio links...
8 comments:
Welcome to Atlanta.
New Yorkers are more friendly.
See you on the 13th.
Red neck Aunt
Try Boston....Friendly happy people who would be happy to give you directions....Hopefully the right way....Wishing Stuart,Valerie and mother Esta a very Happy Passover..... Stuart you are looking good from your previous blog.....Why would these strange woman be afraid???? Would it be the beard????? Love Burt and Marion
Stu!!
You forgot to say that at MARTA someone did eventually let you use their cell phone to call me...Some Sandy Springs people are friendly.
Sandy Springians are a little snobby these days, that's what happens when you become your own city.
wow. good thing i really dont use that oprrive calender. lukas
hmm...Valerie exposes the cherry-picking of your case for war...uh, I mean against Southern Hospitality.
In any case, I agree with Burt. Women are already somewhat likely to be spooked by strange men approaching them, and your Ulyses S. Grant beard, distinguished as you may look with it in Academic and/or Middle Eastern circles, is not a common sight amongst the Southern gentry. - A no-name mouse Brooklynite guitar player.
Why can't my beard be a Robt. E. Lee beard, in which case it would be exactly the look for Southern gentry (150 years ago)??
Having lived in the south for many years, I am truly surprised to hear that story. You must be really scary ;)
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