Just keep on trying, just keep on doing what you're doing, and things will work out for you. Amazing things will happen, you're going to be happy, just keep trying just never give up. I know it will, Stuart, I know you're gonna be happy.
She had asked me how things were, how's my mom, how's my sister. "Same old," I said. Didn't know what else to answer. Then she gave me a loving, inspiring speech, filled with hope for my life. I listened, and felt a bit out of it, and wanted to-
________
I started writing this late last night, but it appears that i must have fallen asleep without posting it. Weird. I don't even remember how the sentence was supposed to end. But the point was that her reassurances actually had the opposite effect, and left me feeling empty and not inspired. And then I felt guilty for not being able to just absorb her love and incorporate it into my own being.
yep.
11 comments:
whoah nelly!
well, i agree with her, even though it seems that won't inspire you at the moment.
would you rather have a good sardonic kick in the rear? I'm sure that your collective support group can arrange that as well. I'm up because I can't sleep. Jonah graduates from grad school tomorrow and the minute my head hit the pillow i was flooded with reflections of the long journey of this past year. I might have tired myself out by reading your emotionally occupying blog though!!
love and kisses!!
Wanna hear my take?
A speech like this is usually not helpful for the person receiving it.
The message communicated is 'You can't figure this out on your own, and I really don't trust you to take care of yourself, so I'm going to give you some advice, and maybe you'll get your act together.'
Not to say that the person actually thinks that consciously. They probably just can't get up the joy and energy themselves to truly be loving, so they pep-talk their way out of it.
I get the same vibe going with my Grandmother. She's constantly asking 'are you hungry? Are you sure you ate enough? You sure you don't want more turkey?' She thinks she's being loving, but the message communicated is 'you can't even figure out how to eat! Here, let me help you, you poor incompetent thing.'
I think she really wants to love, but she's so sad and missing love herself, all she can do is mis-mother.
Really being loving takes a lot more work than peppering on advice. My suspicion is that it involves a whole lot of listening, silence, compassion, and all that.
come on now. really. what is SO bad about your life? are those things REALLY that detrimental? you have lived a life, and continue to live a life, that many people dream of.
you have been trying to figure out happiness for over 30 years now. haven't you learned by now there is nothing to really figure out. so quit trying and move on! (although i think it is easier to understand "pain" - go figure). perhaps you understood happiness best in your early years of life.
when i see you next week i am going to give you something to be unhappy about...me pulling out your facial hair one hair at a time. coupled with that, your sister is going to sit there and watch, laughing at you the entire time.
anyway, Tonto knows you are coming. she just laid an egg for you. do you think she is happy? she lives in a plexiglass cage, and for the last two years she has been laying eggs. every time, she keeps them warm for a few weeks, then abandons them or i take them away. no matter how hard she tries (and she really tries) they will never hatch.
doug
Nu? What's up with Stu?
I hope this is OK - I found your blog!
- Robin
happiness is overrated.
Of course it's okay, Robin. Stu needs a wife, so get movin'!
"Did Abraham have an easy life? Hardly. The Torah teaches us that Abraham was challenged with ten difficult tests. Jacob had an even more troubling life than Abraham. For years he lived as a fugitive running from his brother who sought to kill him. His daughter was raped. His wife dies while giving birth to their son. Jacob's sons sell their younger brother Joseph as a slave but lead Jacob to believe that he was killed. Jacob mourns for years over the loss and is never able to overcome the pain until he is finally reunited with Joseph in Egypt. Jacob did not have a blissful life." Rabbi David Aaron.
In my opinion there is no way happiness is overated. We need the lows for the highs. How can one really appretiate life without shit happening. Take for instance right now I lost my wallet and all I can think of is some crack head downtown has it. I am livid. But hey I also found $6 outside the stripper bar I walk by to catch my bus. How else should I feel!? Depressed, or happy?
Stuart.
I have responded to this type of behavior the same way, many, many times.
"yep"
...(...then I nod off and leave you to your own...)....
--tommy
well that kind of advice can make anyone a bit nervous! So much expectation of "success" and happiness. How can you live up to that? What if you don't? On the other hand, maybe she really believes all that and wants you to, also. I like Lincoln, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" and Holbrook Jackson, "Happiness is a form of courage". Whoa! more burdens! They dump it all in your lap! It is up to you what you do with all this free advice.
i think you should capitalize on your tendencies towards doom and gloom. it has worked for so many artists... woody allen, harvey pekar, ron jeremy... seriously, people (especially U.S. audiences) love a loser... why not cash in on it? write a screenplay, write a pilot, write a paperback for the "comedy" section of barnes and noble. fistfuls of royalty checks would make *anyone* happy!
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