Last time I posted, it was before Pesach (Passover). Now it's a month later. The moon looks to be pretty full tonite. When I walked up to take some garbage to the dumpster, it it hit me in the eye from behind the hill. I got emotional, I felt lonely, I wanted to cry. It was just me and my garbage and I felt like I no longer knew how to love the moon, or how to share it with friends.
It's been a month since I dreamed about George Bush. Good things have happened, and good things have not happened. Learning has been good and invigorating, and learning has been painful and frustrating. I have not prayed much. I spent two weeks dealing with various infections. I explored the pathways of love and relationship. I doubted, dreaded, lamented, complained, opted out, hid, slept, indulged, regretted, wondered, raged, degraded. Among other things, like singing and smiling and laughing. Always laughing. Even in the lowest place, I can laugh. I didn't cry. I don't think I cried.
I always wonder about this blog- what IS it? A chronicle of interesting events? A journal of contemplations? A confessional of horrors and despairs? Because when I feel low, I worry that it is not right to post it to the world. What if some possible employer or future student were to see the {gasp} truth of how I operated in this world? And when I'm rolling on a good wave, I never want to bother to sit here and let it all out....
Have I fallen out of love with this blog?
Have I fallen out of love with you? Heaven forfend.
So some of you have written, asking for more. One of you even called today, theorizing that I held back from posting to force folks to reach out by phone. Some of you don't give a rat's ass. Good for you.
In any event, and girded against all eventualities, here is a post for you. I am leaving Israel for the summer in one month. Until then, trying to learn a thing or two. Maybe just a thing.
It's been a month since I dreamed about George Bush. Good things have happened, and good things have not happened. Learning has been good and invigorating, and learning has been painful and frustrating. I have not prayed much. I spent two weeks dealing with various infections. I explored the pathways of love and relationship. I doubted, dreaded, lamented, complained, opted out, hid, slept, indulged, regretted, wondered, raged, degraded. Among other things, like singing and smiling and laughing. Always laughing. Even in the lowest place, I can laugh. I didn't cry. I don't think I cried.
I always wonder about this blog- what IS it? A chronicle of interesting events? A journal of contemplations? A confessional of horrors and despairs? Because when I feel low, I worry that it is not right to post it to the world. What if some possible employer or future student were to see the {gasp} truth of how I operated in this world? And when I'm rolling on a good wave, I never want to bother to sit here and let it all out....
Have I fallen out of love with this blog?
Have I fallen out of love with you? Heaven forfend.
So some of you have written, asking for more. One of you even called today, theorizing that I held back from posting to force folks to reach out by phone. Some of you don't give a rat's ass. Good for you.
In any event, and girded against all eventualities, here is a post for you. I am leaving Israel for the summer in one month. Until then, trying to learn a thing or two. Maybe just a thing.
9 comments:
"In Irish mythology, the beginning of the summer season for the Tuatha Dé Danann {The Tuatha Dé were descended from Nemed, leader of a previous wave of inhabitants of Ireland. They came from four northern cities, Falias, Gorias, Murias and Finias, where they acquired their occult skills and attributes. They arrived in Ireland, on or about May 1 (the date of the festival of Beltaine), on dark clouds, although later versions rationalise this by saying they burned their ships to prevent retreat, and the "clouds" were the smoke produced. } and the Milesians started at Bealtaine. Great bonfires would mark a time of purification and transition, heralding in the season in the hope of a good harvest later in the year, and were accompanied with ritual acts to protect the people from any harm by Otherworldly spirits, such as the Sídhe. Like the festival of Samhain, opposite Beltane on Oct. 31, Beltane was a time when the Otherworld was seen as particularly close at hand."
Maybe you're feeling that?
huh?
i like the irish myth about the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow...
cdb
honey,
Leap before you look
The sense of danger must not disappear:
The way is certainly both short and steep,
However gradual it looks from here;
Look if you like, but you will have to leap.
Tough-minded men get mushy in their sleep
And break the by-laws any fool can keep;
It is not the convention but the fear
That has a tendency to disappear.
The worried efforts of the busy heap,
The dirt, the imprecision, and the beer
Produce a few smart wisecracks every year;
Laugh if you can, but you will have to leap.
The clothes that are considered right to wear
Will not be either sensible or cheap,
So long as we consent to live like sheep
And never mention those who disappear.
Much can be said for social savoir-faire,
But to rejoice when no one else is there
Is even harder than it is to weep;
No one is watching, but you have to leap.
A solitude ten thousand fathoms deep
Sustains the bed on which we lie, my dear;
Although I love you, you will have to leap;
Our dream of safety has to disappear. -Auden
Ride it on out like a bird in the sky way,
Ride it on out like if you were a bird,
Fly it all out like an eagle in a sunbeam,
Ride it on out like if you were a bird.
Wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days,
Wear a tall hat and a tatooed gown,
Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane,
Wear your hair long, babe you can't go wrong.
Catch a bright star and a place it on your fore-head,
Say a few spells and baby, there you go,
Take a black cat and sit it on your shoulder,
And in the morning you'll know all you know, oh.
Da-da-di-di-da, da-da-di-di-da ....
It seems you'll always have friends to encourage you regardless of whether your ideas are good ones or not. Then again, what's with the doggerel?
Nice to see you back.
Oh, perhaps you'd rather some of me Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious!
Well, you're dorty 'n' sweet,
Clad in black, don't look back,
And, I love you.
You're dorty 'n' sweet, oh, yeah...
well, i for one am glad the doubt is over. i was tired of checking the blog for my periodic dose of stu and seeing the one about the dream with W! Anyway, I just figured the blog was your substitute for mass e-mailing. Allowing others to check in at their leisure, and possibly interact with each other. I enjoy the stories, and the down stuff. I think your always honest and real in the blog, and it's kind of odd that anyone can see it, but those of us that love you enjoy it too!
we all need our little dose of stu!
wierd typo, i meant to but that the drought is over, but i hope that the doubt will be over too!
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