the kids seemed to like my last burst of cruddy-emotion-blogging, so here you go:
I feel like shit.
I don't wanna do nothing.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm lonely. I wonder what Elijah is up to. My dad is dead. I can't sell my car. I haven't really tried. I wish I had a wife, a dog, a job, a house I built myself with big exposed wooden roof beams and jars of sprouting sprouts and fermenting cabbage along the bright kitchen window. I miss that Ol' Amurican Life.. what do I miss? Noodles. Sliced ham. Driving. Mountain Dew. And sometimes I miss Jay Rogers (all nice things, but maybe not enough to fly home for)*. I wish I knew who the hell I was. I wish I had done Yoga all those years. I wish I had had the balls to call that girl that time when I lived in that city.
(oh yeah- there's a war out there somewhere, and friends of friends are dying, and some Jewish guy just got stuffed in the trunk of his own car and burned (nowhere near the actual battle sites)-- but what's all that got to do with MY ANGST????)
I worked a whopping 15 hours of manual labor this week, and I am in agony. This morning and yesterday as well, I lay in bed an extra 2 hours or more because my hands hurt too much, and I couldn't face the world with such discomfort. Yesterday, after laying around, I worked hard for a few hours here and there. Today, nothing. Those Mexican Day laborers in Atlanta put in 10 hours of backbreaking work and don't even sweat.. Me? Five hours and I am dead, and the next day, my hands in such distress that I can't do nothing.
Nothing.
I lay in bed until 9am, then puttered around, prayed (to whom?), puttered around, bought some ice cream, ate matza with humus, then went back to my room and lay in bed for another 2 1/2 hours.
Sweet Jesus Christ! What is this??
Heh. Went on a date last Tuesday, and didn't tell her my web address-- perhaps wanderingstu is the kinda fella a gal should meet only after a few pleasant outings with sweet Shimshon the happy Jewish boy.
Yeah. Well.
There's much more bitching to do, but I don't wanna use up all my material.
Maybe I'll hide in my room this Shabbes with a big can of pickled pigs brains and a pack of Camels (no filter) and blog for hours.
Probably not, but fun to speculate.
Have fun, everyone.
*{and I also [diplomacy in action] miss YOU, Craig, Jen B, Mom, Erik... (who else?)}
I feel like shit.
I don't wanna do nothing.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm lonely. I wonder what Elijah is up to. My dad is dead. I can't sell my car. I haven't really tried. I wish I had a wife, a dog, a job, a house I built myself with big exposed wooden roof beams and jars of sprouting sprouts and fermenting cabbage along the bright kitchen window. I miss that Ol' Amurican Life.. what do I miss? Noodles. Sliced ham. Driving. Mountain Dew. And sometimes I miss Jay Rogers (all nice things, but maybe not enough to fly home for)*. I wish I knew who the hell I was. I wish I had done Yoga all those years. I wish I had had the balls to call that girl that time when I lived in that city.
(oh yeah- there's a war out there somewhere, and friends of friends are dying, and some Jewish guy just got stuffed in the trunk of his own car and burned (nowhere near the actual battle sites)-- but what's all that got to do with MY ANGST????)
I worked a whopping 15 hours of manual labor this week, and I am in agony. This morning and yesterday as well, I lay in bed an extra 2 hours or more because my hands hurt too much, and I couldn't face the world with such discomfort. Yesterday, after laying around, I worked hard for a few hours here and there. Today, nothing. Those Mexican Day laborers in Atlanta put in 10 hours of backbreaking work and don't even sweat.. Me? Five hours and I am dead, and the next day, my hands in such distress that I can't do nothing.
Nothing.
I lay in bed until 9am, then puttered around, prayed (to whom?), puttered around, bought some ice cream, ate matza with humus, then went back to my room and lay in bed for another 2 1/2 hours.
Sweet Jesus Christ! What is this??
Heh. Went on a date last Tuesday, and didn't tell her my web address-- perhaps wanderingstu is the kinda fella a gal should meet only after a few pleasant outings with sweet Shimshon the happy Jewish boy.
Yeah. Well.
There's much more bitching to do, but I don't wanna use up all my material.
Maybe I'll hide in my room this Shabbes with a big can of pickled pigs brains and a pack of Camels (no filter) and blog for hours.
Probably not, but fun to speculate.
Have fun, everyone.
*{and I also [diplomacy in action] miss YOU, Craig, Jen B, Mom, Erik... (who else?)}
3 comments:
thanks for the shout out, you know i love it. and don't worry, even though i am happily married and in deep love with my husband, i still share the same feelings about a house, dog, yoga, etc. i'm finding it hard to commit to anything other than my husband and my job. it seems that it takes all i've got.and my personal motto for this summer is to only do things that make me happy-literally, and to not do anything i don't want to do.
needless to say that leads to excess in certain areas and i need to tame it up to get back into the swing of being an elementary teacher. i'm struggling with that this week.
i love the sweet sparkly eyed stu, but also love when you let loose of the real angst on the page. sorry you're struggling, but appreciate that you're usually totally real about it.
p.s. the name of our first album(Sweet T and the Country Jews) is "Cause I'm a Soul Food Junkie" so, if you want to pound some lyrical inspiration out for that, go for it!
i am sorry that you feel this way.
but, your brutal honesty should be a reflection for all of us--to be true to our inner feelings and beware of self-deception, a notable foe in each of our lives on this earth.
missing you too...
don't you miss your SISTER?
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