In which our man in Israel attempts to express paradox and simplicity in a coherent manner

So one of the main inyanim (focuses / central ideas) at Bat Ayin is Avodah- literally "work" or "service:" the word from which we get our English word "services," as in "Friday Night Services." In a broader sense, Avodah is all the struggle, striving and working we do to draw closer to God, community and our souls. In Yeshiva have a daily Avodat haNefesh (soul-work) group, we talk about personal Avodah, we try to develop frameworks and structures of deep spiritual growth, both as individuals, and as a community.

The basic idea: life is hard work, all the more so if one decides (or finds oneself compelled) to try to live a truly righteous and conscious life. And here I don't mean specifically a religious life; there are plenty of unrighteous religionists, and plenty of righteous athiests. It takes a whole lifetime to do the work that one lifetime demands. We will always be engaged in the battle against bad habits, and harmful thought patterns (anger, victimization, lust, arrogance, bad jokes).

On the other hand, last night Rav Natan asserted that life-changing transformation could happen at any moment, and in the span of just one moment. Suddenly, our eyes are opened, our hearts shake free of their bonds and we exist in the world in a whole new way. Ideally, to paraphrase an excellent series of teachings by Rav Daniel, we discover that we are beings OF the world, not merely IN the world. That which separates us from each other, from all of Creation, is as tiny as the empty space in the electron cloud of a single atom. Of course, most of Creation is empty space when you use a strong enough microscope, so the truth is that there is nothing separating us at all. We are each other, we are the tree, the mountain, the Tupperware. All is One. Sh'ma Yisrael.

Over here at wanderingstu.com, all that is just theory-- time keeps proving to be a grueling and unforgetting taskmaster, hoarding every moment of the past in order to taunt, threaten, oppress, dissuade and ensnare your most humble author here.

But that's hardly the point. At any moment-- a dip in the Mikveh, a phone call, a Shabbat davvening (praying), the turning of a corner, a deep breath-- at any moment, change can come. The trick is to be able to truly truly believe this, and yet not abandon the Avodah for the sake of sitting and waiting for it. It's the idle waiting that brings disappointment. The phone rings, but it might be a wrong number. Nonetheless, we keep striving. Striving for openness, striving for strength, striving for connection and love.

We hope for a split second of absolute revelatory transformation, but in the meantime, we keep our chin up and our nose to the grindstone (how's that for a paradoxical posture?)

That's the theory at least: don't let anyone fool you into thinking it's easy. Or even sensical. {well, it is in fact sensical, but my presentation here might be unsensical. Insensical. Asensical.}

Then again, perhaps it is the easiest thing out there, and I just have yet to accept that.

Look up at the sky and appreciate its vastness arching over us. Hug someone for real. For at least 30 seconds. Right now is a moment in time. Is it the moment?

Shabbat Shalom